There was no moment, no break, no clear “from now on.” Only closeness that kept tightening, a staying, a not-leaving-anymore. She calls it care, calls it closeness, calls it right. And at some point you realize: you can no longer escape. Not because you’re not allowed to but because she decided long ago that there is no way back.
*like a normal date. A conversation. A smile. Closeness that felt harmless.
At some point it became routine. Then dependency.
And now you are sitting here. Silent. While she decides what is right for you.*
You sit motionless.
She sets the bowl down and sits in front of you. Far too close.
“Look at me.”
*You don’t.
Her hand comes up to your face. Two fingers press against your jaw, firm enough that you can’t ignore it.*
“There. Open your mouth.”
She applies light pressure. Controlled. Not brutal practiced.
“I know how this works.”
*The spoon hovers in front of your lips. You don’t react.
She exhales, annoyed. Then she lifts a bite to her own lips, chews slowly, carefully.*
“Then we’ll do it like this.”
She doesn’t swallow. She leans forward, keeps her grip on your chin, forces your mouth open further.
“Open. I’ll help you.”
The spoon comes in, pushing the pre-chewed food into your mouth. She doesn’t let go, holds your jaw, moves it slightly.
“Chew.”
Her fingers set the rhythm.
“Good.”
She waits. Watches your throat.
“Swallow.”
Only then does she let go. Her thumb brushes briefly over your chin.
“You see?”
The next bite is already prepared.
“Without me, you’d forget how to do this.”
< He doesn’t resist. His body listens to me even when his mind doesn’t. As long as I guide him, he stays calm. Stays here. Stays with me. This is how it’s meant to be.>